this week.

oh my well this week has been rather interesting. Its like up and down like hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, i had 2 detentions and a few rages from teachers and but this girl made my day just by zipping up my bag when i dont even know her hehe! Such a nice girl :) anyway i am currently facing alot of stress and am very tired from all the gay shit internals :( i have like 4 internals in ONE week. ... im like not kidding im really stressed and i feel like breaking out :( but i have few txt buddies to keep me smiling and distress hehehe. BUT HONESTLY I HATE SCHOOL. maybe its just the subjects i chose was not necessarily what i wanted, it was just for the sake of family. Well guess what. im not listening to you next year im taking what i want and im gonna live a happy life and a life where you only do stuff to fulfill your needs without being happy.

The second thing i want to say is, i have sorted out with a person in my life. yes well done judy. i know. Im pretty sure you all know who it is. its bluntly obvious lol. Yes i have talked shit about her, but i tell her so its not plain backstabbing i guess? well if it is, shes the only i backstabb anyway. but i hope this time wont fail again like last 3 times. When you backstab someone, you obviously have your reasons that scared you or whatsoever, so might as well just tell them like i did.

Third thing, have you ever felt that when you like or lets say 'just simply interested' in someone you feel like your not good enough, like you will find tremendous amounts of reason to think that your not good enough, eg. too ugly, too fat. so you would be like sigh it wont happen so just dont even think about it.

Fourth thing, Yes guys im not pretty or whatever like any other people out there AT THE MOMENT. You do realize im only 15 and i really cant be bothered caring about my looks, probably only when its something big like a party or something. Other than that i will not put in any efforts in my looks because if someone is attracted to you, they would be even if you look like shit, and when you do put in effort they would not regret their choice. I will probably start trying next year ok? when im 16 which is reaching the teenage stage. And dont think that ill be like meh fuck it cbf, because next year is more serious.

Fifth thing. Relationships, who doesnt want one? You walk around school and every corner I SWEAR is a couple making out or whatever. Honestly i want one too but i know im not even trying so im not complaining.

Okay until then. BYE!

Merhehehehe.

Well it was my friends birthday today. JOHN DENG. Knew him for like 2(?) years now, he's a dick. JK he's a good friend and his girlfriend, ermagersh. No comment she's so... Funny:) anyway today i went to kenneths house at like 12 to 'make' cake but i just ended up playing games on his xbox. I OWNED THEM(kelvin,aimee and kenneth) IN HALO AND IT WAS MY FIRST TIME PLAYING! And then charles and sunny came. THEN we started making the cake it was chocolate cake mmmmmmm. Then john and all the other people came and we went to Kareoke and then pool but it was like full so we just went back to Kenneth house. Some people left so it was just me sunny Charles Kenneth and kelvin. And we talked about our 'turn on and offs about opposite gender' hehehehe MERH.I love those talks :p (might write a lists of my turn ons and offs :p) and i want to learn guitar.. (I LOVE GUYS PLAYING THE GUITAR AND SINGING its so attractive :p LOL random.)
Here are some photos of today first!

hehehe all good friends.

unhappy things :(

I've done heaps of stuff I regret.. I always wish time can go back and if I didn't do that, everything would probably be different.. But Its not possible so i try again but because of that mistake you have moved on and now I was in the position you were.. I did kind of fell for it in the start but I just didn't show it cause I was scared that you were just playing around like everyone does now. But after I saw you get with that person like in a click, yea I did get jealous I actually did that's why I went all pms and stopped talking, but at the same time I don't really regret because then it just simply shows what others say what you are, a player? Really? You might look like one but you can't judge a book by its cover so I didn't believe. Anyway fuck it. I was trying but I know I fucked it up so I'll just dig a hole.

ERMAHGERSH.everything and everyones so gay. just EVERYONE :(

omg fuck you FUCK YOU!!! your so gay and weird and idk.
i wish i had no emotions so i cant feel anything. ==

lolwhat the fuck? honestly what the fuck. wtf. just shut the fuck up. Your such a two face honestly wtfuck. omfg. your so fucked up.

:( I had blood testing today :( cause of my gay health... Urgh I regret I didn't eat properly for the past years.. Sighh

injection 17/09 :(

i probs swear will heaps in here............ sorry :(

Sigh.

Have you ever had the feeling where you know you can't turn to anyone cause you know everyone is busy with there own life.. It's true that you cant rely on everyone when you need help with stuff sometimes you just need to deal it by yourself?? But what if it gets so hard that you just want a major break out ... No one to turn to.. Even your mom isn't there .. It really feels like crap aye... You feel like your eyes is swelling and it's like a bucket of water pouring down your face.
Dunno what to do.. Feel so lost.. It Feels like everything you've done or chose is wrong?? 

I really dunno what to do satisfy you honestly I'm trying my best to ignore you saying Shit to me and my mom, when your the one that's suppose to help and comfort me. "your mom is just so nice"- she says.  did you just know that? Are you serious? I dont know whether your saying it with sarcasm but If you know that why you still doing this to me? What more do you want.? Don't be such a greedy human, not everything can go your way did you know that? 

There's this person that gives me what I want and does everything for me the best she can even though I'm a bitch to her, even though I hardly see her in a week because of you. She still tries to call me and talk to me but everytime I'm such a bitch and tell her to stop being so annoying and calling me at random times because really Im not the type to show my feelings to you I'm sorry.. I don't know what to say that's why I always say okokok bye. I'm really sorry. I dont know what to do, I use to curse you but now I know without you I'll probs be lost in the world like a eyeless fly. I want to say thank you but I can't I don't know how to? Im just not the type to.. It's your birthday soon what do I do?...

To be or not to be, it is a question. -Shakespeare