Friend?

This year i seem to have been matured more than last year (not being vain HAHA) but i realized so much things thats happening around me. I start to not complain as much and to just forgive and forget(ISH) and move on, cause if you stay at the same place you wont make any progress!

I have talked out with 2 people that i wasn't all-good with and it feels much better even though one of them say 'we just wont be like before anymore' but i hope i can still work on that! but at least now i dont need to walk past that person as if you dont know them. Also thanks to this one special friend who always talks me back to make me think about what im doing :)
It is better to have one more friend than one more enemy,
I guess thats added to my list of values now!

But, theres this certain person that im still currently not talking to and i feel quite sad because they called and told me to stay out of their life when i didnt do anything.. which actually makes me feel so 'wtf', i saw her walking towards me today at school and i suddenly had this urge to say hi cause i usually do when i see them, but i couldnt today i just looked away and they did too. I guess this is the end cause their boyfriend seems to not want me to talk to her at all so im not going to at all even though i really want to.. we've been through quite alot, we got closer after a big fight at the end of year 8, and she knows alot about me and my personailty.. :'(

Anyway, the reason why i dont want to talk to people first is because i dont like it when people think that 'oh, you'll talk to me first anyway. So i wont give a shit about you.' and not appreciate the fact that i actually decided to.

I dont know what kind of friend i am to people now; a slavery friend, a friend who will always listen to your commands because im scared to lose you, a friend that you take for graunteed, a friend that provides food and money, a friend that whenever you call i'll try all my best to be there (but you dont) or actually a 'friend' ? Hmmm.