That day..

-Fat
-unwanted
-Fat
-FAT
-single eyelids -->small eyes


Everyone has insecurities.


My insecurities comes from all the comments from everyone surrounding me, it may not seem harmful or anything on the outside, but all the words are growing rapidly and stuck in my head.


There was once when; I went to the beach and didn't bring spare clothes cause i didn't expect myself to get wet, but nice enough one of my friends girlfriend lend me their shorts, straight away i felt unsecured and scared. why? because i know i wont fit into them but i still gave it a try and it made me look funnier, because i came out of the bathrooms without them on and my friend laughed and i felt so embarrassed and thundered with lightening. I laughed with them to not make myself even more stupid. Later on i asked her what size those shorts was, she said size 0 and i was like oh. haha.. and she just smiled at me. (i know she didnt meant to offend me in any way).


I cant even explain how i felt that day. I just wish i was anorexic, i rather GAIN weight than losing weight but realistic just doesnt seem that way, so i have planned and set goals for myself in the following term to lose weight but i know i will be lazy and not wanting to get off my butt after eating dinner or watever. I wish for courage but it seems like no one will give me any so might aswell ask God for the courage!