Ranting bout the same shit.

It's always the same situation, why is it always the people that are abit overweight always get mocked at and laughed at and they turn into an subject for people to talk about as something funny.
I'm fucking sorry that I'm fat and not skinny like all the other people. Did I ask for to be created so fat? No.
What fun do you get out of it? Yea sure YOU think it's funny but have you thought of other peoples feelings?
"well I'm not fat ahahahha" you should be happy and gratefull that your blessed, becareful one day that blessing gets taken away from you. Then it will be your turn to cry and moan. Don't always wait till the last minute to realize what you fucking have.
Why do people change the way they look? Its because of the people that always mock them and in order to stop them from mocking them they change the way they look, either by surgery for small eyes or not eat and fuck up their body system just to impress others and stop people from calling them fat.
When I go on a diet people say I'm only 15 I don't need to go on a diet and that I'll lose protein and I'll be unhealthy and unable to grow. When I start eating they start saying and mocking that omg your so fat. What the fuck do you want me to do? I'll just go die. yea?
Ungrateful people.
I WILL BE SKINNY. just not now.

Lately

Sigh its been a long time since i updated. Ive been going through the phase of antisocialness
hmmmm well ive been sick for the whole week and i stayed home the whole week :D anyway i want to update my blog so i asked for ideas


THOUGHTS.

hmmm i think that our generation is going too quick.. like we do things or think about things that are like waaaaay too ahead of us. like working or social or watever idk. were going to work for our whole adult life and it will eventually become a drudgery for us, why do people want to work so young?? i only want to for fun HAHA nah. but im not allowed so GUTS. anyway. and um i try to control myself and tell myself that im only 15 and i still have plenty of time to play but its so hard.. WHY is it so HARD to control. i think its cause of the people around me l0l. i chopped my hair cause i wanted to stop caring about my looks cause its too hard to impress people now. im looking forward to uni so  bad, cause idk.. i meet more and new people i guess? hmmm argh SO mixed thoughts.. i think i think too much too. im such a loner now, no one believes me but i actually am. i stay home every weekend not like last year and 2010 anymore lol. i remember i used to go out like every weekend till like midnight and think i was cool as, but now when i think back its like so stupid and the generations are getting worst(?) and worse(?) in my opinion. they are getting more rude and annoying and bitchy and slutty  and i hate it when people younger than me look freaking10 years older than me. sometimes i still miss the parties and the fun... im so lonely :( and i want to be friends with certain peoples but i just CANT cause i try to but when im with them and they do that thing i just lose it i really really want to argh asdkfj;lkjgds.

HATES.

i dont hate anyone now since i have been so anti social lol. but um i think people starting to hate me so sad so sad. i seriously dont hate anyone if i rage about someone i only think their annoying i DONT HATE ==

TO DO's

i need to save up money to buy stuff, im going to go shopping in the holidays and i really want a pair of darn vans and raybans!. so sad going shopping by myself sigh.. and i need to loose f!#$ing weight like no shit oml--

i wish i had a friend whose like similar to me not looks but like personality or watever and i could like talk to them and like just go out for a cup of coffee and chill.. and i can trust them and but i cant seem to find one-- thats just in my imagination. sadlife. thats why im looking forward to uni cause maybe that friend will come :D

ahha... i have no idea what ive been saying but if you know me, my thoughts change like 24/7 im only typing what i think at this specific moment cause im so friggen bored. l0l

Hotpot woop!

Yesterday my friend hosted a steam boat dinner at his house followed by a mocha cheesecake for dessert! It was the highlight of my term 2 since I've been so legit antisocial. We ate for like an hour then cause one of a friend had to go church so we paused eating and played group games! It was so hilarious and we just all had a FUUNN as time, we played the watermelon game, no teeth game(can't show your teeth at all), silent game(can't speak one word), Chinese whispers with like 5 different languages LOL (English, Cantonese, Korean, Thai and Vietnamese) and then we played mafia and I was the first one to be out cause everyone voted me as the murderer-_- I was like totally lost and in denial hahahahhaha!!! it was soooooo fun then my friend came back from church and we carried on eating and talking and like asking the most retarded and stupid questions bahahahaha "would you rather be a table or an lamp" LOL ikr WTF. I asked that LOLOL. Anyway then some people left and only like 6 of us talked about first impressions and stuff till like 3am. Yes 3am and I called and begged and bribed my brother to open the door for me when I get home and he was like "fuck off" SADLIFE. But yeah when I got home I stayed outside my house for like 5minutes, spam texting my brother to open the fucking door-_- yea I have such a nice brother aye gois. Anyway it was a great day! It was reaaaaally fun:D

hmm..

Well the other day i went out for lunch with a few friends and it was quite fun, we had nandos then some desserts, while having desserts we were chatting about stuff; funny stuff and throughout we were talking about girls and one of my friends said about me 'ill choose a more decent looking one hahahaaha' and it was really hmm ouch.. but i know they were joking and stuff but then that kinda cut me deep and its stuck inside me like that sentence just pops up now and then and really it is just.. ouch :/ but i know he wasnt serious, and he is a good friend but it made me feel even more insecure now i feel like giving up on so much stuff now thats why i sit alone at school during breaks and i've turned into such an anti-social person.
Its because im giving up on society im getting tired and its just so depressing, people just are never satisfied with peoples effort. Im more likely to be known as a person thats so open and you can joke about my appearance, my weight etc.. but really as i grow older i start to realize its not a so-called joke anymore it acutally hurts but you still have to laugh it off so people wont think "omg your such a sensitive person. wtf. you cant even take a joke" lol joke?
I think people need to start understanding the true meaning of a 'joke' and where the line hits and i know im ugly im fat. but really, its starting to hurt when people say;  oh why dont you ask judy to go with you or etc, and people just laugh and say LOL JUDY?! NOWAY and then hahahahah im joking!!! but if you joke like that, then its really what you think but to not make tension you say 'im joking'. Aye?
Im getting older and im starting to become more feminine each year, i want to be treated as a 'girl', just a TAD BIT. But is it too late for people to understand now? When i say that it doesnt mean you cant joke and stuff but its just; Hey im a girl too.. yea? :/
Everyone has been through the phase of life where they're all tomboy and shit,.
And im sure everyone has their side where they look the best but its just not the appropriate occasion to show it yet..

I really loved a friends blogtitle and that is(changed it abit);
"Let me be lovely,.. Just for once :')"

FEAST!

OUR FEAST!

Well on friday me and my good mate had a feast at my house. We went grocery shopping after school and brought toppings for our pizza and some dips for wedges ;D, then we gapped it to my house cause we were scared that it will start raining LOL. We chucked ham, pineapple, HEAPS of tomato paste and cheese and olives on our pizza, and then we baked some garlic bread and wedges! We couldnt wait for the finished products OMG. I kept telling danielle to check the pizza but she was busy on FACEBOOK -_- but allgoods as long as our pizza came out SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOD, while eating we were watching the notebook. It was suppose to be a really sad movie but cause we were eating and enjoying our food we didnt cry till the end HAHA. After that movie we watched SHES THE MAN my favourite movie its probably one of the movies ill never get sick off, (i remember watching it like few years ago with my sisters ahhhhh ;D). Anyway! The food and movies were so freaking good, such a good way to end a miserable week :')

IT WAS SO INDESCRIBABLY GOOD.

Friend?

This year i seem to have been matured more than last year (not being vain HAHA) but i realized so much things thats happening around me. I start to not complain as much and to just forgive and forget(ISH) and move on, cause if you stay at the same place you wont make any progress!

I have talked out with 2 people that i wasn't all-good with and it feels much better even though one of them say 'we just wont be like before anymore' but i hope i can still work on that! but at least now i dont need to walk past that person as if you dont know them. Also thanks to this one special friend who always talks me back to make me think about what im doing :)
It is better to have one more friend than one more enemy,
I guess thats added to my list of values now!

But, theres this certain person that im still currently not talking to and i feel quite sad because they called and told me to stay out of their life when i didnt do anything.. which actually makes me feel so 'wtf', i saw her walking towards me today at school and i suddenly had this urge to say hi cause i usually do when i see them, but i couldnt today i just looked away and they did too. I guess this is the end cause their boyfriend seems to not want me to talk to her at all so im not going to at all even though i really want to.. we've been through quite alot, we got closer after a big fight at the end of year 8, and she knows alot about me and my personailty.. :'(

Anyway, the reason why i dont want to talk to people first is because i dont like it when people think that 'oh, you'll talk to me first anyway. So i wont give a shit about you.' and not appreciate the fact that i actually decided to.

I dont know what kind of friend i am to people now; a slavery friend, a friend who will always listen to your commands because im scared to lose you, a friend that you take for graunteed, a friend that provides food and money, a friend that whenever you call i'll try all my best to be there (but you dont) or actually a 'friend' ? Hmmm.

what a day!

YOO =]

Today was my first day back at school and it was alright, despise the fact that i kept falling asleep in class D: My geo teacher got abit angry! He was like "Judy i know you had a hard time last night, but can you Please tell me if you understand what im saying" and i just nodded and he sighed. Hahahahaha.

Then i just got home and ate ice-cream on CRUSKETS(i know, totally out of diet plan.), so i didnt have dinner then went out for grocery shopping and brought ONLY $20 worth of food that can keep me alive for 1 week+!!!!!! Im SOOOO looking forward of the days moving out and living by myself!

Anyway! I have set goals for this term!

1. LOSE WEIGHT O.M.G.
2. GO to church on sundays (even though i dont feel welcomed zzzzz)
3. STUDY hard and not think about other stuff
4. APPRECIATE and not take things for granted
5. LOVE and stop disliking people (although i only think people are annoying)
6. LOSE WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!