Decision.

So as you all know, i am banned from LoL FOR THE 4TH TIME. and this time its up to the 9th of December when im in CHINA == whats the point. omfg this sucks.
But in a way its like trying to say Judy go back to your drama life, gaming is not for you. SO i have decided to stop gaming and start going back to my old life where its drama and being sad and forever alone. I thought gaming would help me step out of misery but now it seems like its not working, so screw me. i should just dig a hole and die :D

HAHA ok todays verse is.............

Psalm 16:5 "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure."

I have a story behind this verse, and that was actually the verse that made me become a real christian which was like few years ago haha.
I was watching T.V one day and i lost the remote control. FUNNY HAHAHA HAPPENS TO EVERYONE but i couldnt find it like legit i like chucked all the pillows up and i went into the sofa and i just literally went through any gap i could see, not just the ones i could see even the ones i cant.. JUST EVERYWHERE LIKE NO SHIT and then i was like OMG THAT VERSE (i forgot who told me this verse but yea) so i was repeating that verse to myself numerous of times, in chinese and english and then i lifted up that cushion and it was right there. I saw it and i was like . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I SWEAR TO MY SOUL I HAVE LOOKED HERE BEFORE LIKE I SWEAR ON MY LIFE I SWEAR ON ANYTHING I HAVE LOOKED HERE ALREADY WTH AND ITS LIKE lying there LIKE WTH. I was freken shocked like i was speechless and then from then on whenever i lose stuff i read that verse out to myself like 100 times and its just there, like its right in your face. Its amazing, im not trying to say use this verse when you lose something, and no, dont use Gods word when you only need him for something.

OKAY BYE GUYSSSSSSS

Last hang out day (?)

HEYYYYSS! So today i woke up really tired because i didnt have a really good sleep last night, i went to bed at 1130 with sadness because its like when you try your best to catch up with people because your leaving and you just want photos and like memories, people seem to bail on you and its like they dont care but they always be like omg dont leave etc etc. Hello, im a really realistic person, those dont hit me lol. Oh yea even though they bailed, i had other friends which i consider good friends here now because they lightened my day.

SO what did i do today... I went to church in the morning and then waited for Josh to take me to mission heights to meet my friends, on the way i went to buy ice cream hehehe and then we had a talk on the car. He was like what time you leaving? ill send you off and im like oh,, nah dont need to send me off anymore lol. (because ive previously asked) and hes like why? ----- will come anyway and im like lol no point if you dont really care, and plus its not like im not coming back ha. and hes like oh okay..
That talk just got me cause i know how my other friend felt when he left too and when people just kept bailing so i felt even bad. But you start to see what the word 'care' actually mean aye.
Anyway, after i got to mission heights i met my friends and made a new friend :D and then we went to friends house, bummed around abit and then went to botany to watch a movie and eat, i watched skyfall today! it was sooooo gooooood omg so cooooool but yea i wanted to take a photo with them but couldnt find a good time to ask, damn. BUT algoods ill see them next year :D ended pretty good even though the weather was shit. Btw the person who bailed, your lucky the weather was shit today aye otherwise i guess ill be pretty ticked off not able to go beach.

okay well NO PHOTOS T_T why?

BECAUSE NO PHONE OMFG. okay well, im gonna start ending my blogs with a bible verse from now on. TODAYS ONE IS............

Romans 12:21 "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

After exams BBQ!

Friday 30th was FINALLY the event ive been waiting for since like 3 weeks ago omg. OK so..

I txted kenneth the day before the event and i said can i come at like 3:30 or later to help you prepare and he was like do you have a life? and i was like no i dont have a life and so he was like come at 4:47 dont be late or early so i was like okay then. and then after a while hes like come at 4:30 so i was like hahaha okay.

The next day i woke up, went yumcha and then sylvia park for abit then went to kenneths house at 4:20, on my way i went to buy ice cream cause it was so hot, it was 4:28 that time and i was like oh shit im gonna be late, so i told my mom to drive faster and i got to kenneths house at like 4:37, he opened the door, checked his phone, and was like wait, its not 4:47 *closes door* and i was like HAHA OKAY THEN ILL JUST WAIT and then like few seconds later he was like HAHA jokes. I walked in his house and he showed me all the food and stuff and im like so what do i do? and hes like nothing HAHAH we prepared everything already and i was like ... so... i came early for nothing and hes like pretty much and i was like == but anyway some people came at like 5:30 and then blahblahblah everyone started coming and we started cooking, THANKS CHARLES FOR COOKING UNBURNT MEAT, just cause i burnt the sausages-- BUT I CAN COOK OKAY== anyway we had like so much food.. sadly i couldnt take heaps of photos cause MY PHONE== omg.
After the food and eating and stuff, some people played mafia and the others were singing kareoke, it was like a fun asssss night and the food were so goooood too. I slept over at kenneths with few other people too after most people left we had white chocolate fondue and like 1.. haha .. YOLO. and we stayed up till 5. kenneth, aimee and kelvin were playing naruto, me and sunny started sleeping, then kenneth couldnt sleep cause it was so hot and stuffy but yea i managed to sleep well LOL.
The next morning which was TODAY, we all woke up and then we were talking about how people slept, omg it was so funny HAHAHA and then Charles made us food and then we like bummed around from downstairs to upstairs back down to the backyard then into the living room then back out to the backyard :P. me sunny and teresa left at like 5 ish and i walked home in the freaking hot as weather and then went to eat dinner at that star seafood restaurant near botany, and omg that haunted house went on fire o.o and it was so intense, well pretty much my days hehehe.
GONNA upload photos sooooonnnnnn,-.-

EXAMS OVER.

OMG i finially finished all my exams. BUT the worst thing happened to my LAST EXAM i was like wtf. why is this happening today==. Okay so, i went to school at like 920 and i handed my administration slip and the next thing is WHERE IS MY ID CARD. and the examiner was like sorry i cant let you in, i was like k. and i GAPPED to the office, i felt like i ran like theres no tomorrow, but then the office lady said 'Oh go to G2 the teacher is there' and i was like ......... WHERE THE FUCK IS G2 so i ran back down to the block where my original exam class was and i went around the block like 3 times i was like omfg please tell me this isnt happening and then after like 5 minutes i f'ound G2 and i was like MISS I NEED ID CARD and then she was like okay $1 and i gave her a 20 note LOL and then i ran back to my class and LUCKILY it hasnt started i was like freken hot as and i was so tired cause i stayed up till like 1.30 last minute cramming last night== BUT ANYWAY the exam went alright HA.
SOOO since my exam has finished i feel so happy and light, i dont feel stress anymore just that i need to start resting properly and then PLAY PLAY PLAY before i leave this poohole {: meheehhehehehehe

OKAY have fun for the rest who still has exams HEHE BYEEE

Encouraging?

HEYYYYY, well today i went to church in the morning and this pastor was talking about "Standing up from where you fell" for the sermon. He shared a stories which i particularly kept in mind, so im gonna share it!(mostly pointed to people who are sad atm :P or going through some crap)

The first story is about a boy who was in despair, so he walked to a water fountain. Originally a water fountain is suppose to be something very pretty and fun but because of his emotional state, the water fountain made him felt even sad because he sees no matter how high the water shoots up, it still falls back down onto the ground, just like himself. So he walked off and lay down on the grass, he looked up to the sky and saw how beautiful the clouds were. Where do the clouds come from? The sun shines onto the water and so it evaporates and turns into clouds.
Okay, i dont think the story makes sense but yea, you guys get the point LOL. Basically it means sometimes no matter how hard we try we always fall back down but if we ask for help and pray to God, he will shine his light upon us and lift us back up just like how the water turns into clouds :D
im done sharing.

I dont know why, but recently ive always been sad and tired.. probably cause of exams but not all. But anyway i apologize if i randomly yell at my friends or something but its cause im really frustrated these days(dont know why). So yea, after listening to the sermon today i felt better annndddddd my last exam is on Tuesday so ill probably go back to normal hahahaha:D

okay BYE .

Just kidding, have a nice holiday guys :)

before my studying.

Okay, Today was the last hang i had before the exams zzzz i havent been studying... Im such a last minute person like no shit omg--. well yea i hanged out with... THE USUAL GROUP (Kenneth, Kelvin, Aimee, Charles, Sunny, Teresa), and is also my fav group and probably my only group that would last forever xoxo LOL jk. but yea i think the 'family group' is one of my most closest group cause we share pretty much about everything because we are so close and we trust each other so much and we know what kind of person each other are and most importantly we dont backstabb them like some groups do, not saying anything. But yea this group always make me feel legitimately happy when im in the most shittiest mood, like i have in the past week sigh.... dont need to question, its just the usual+ more. This group means quite alot to me even though i know im quite embarrassing for them sometimes cause im so LOUD AHAHAHHAHAHAHA im sorry guys, i just forget where we are sometimes when im so hypo.
SO we went to town at like 5ishhhh(?) and we went to The Apigo??! i forgot the name, the outside looks dodgy but the inside is like Whoaaa, the atmosphere is so good for couples o.o and like dmc talks. We ordered Green Tea Fondue, yes it might sound weird but OMG ITS SO GOOOOOOOOOOOD seriously its like so nice and we played poker .. i was so lost in the game but i kinda know how to play, it was funny though and then we slowly started having dmc's like always ~~. By the time we finished it was like 7? and Sunny left for her family dinner so then we went to Hansan this Vietnamese restaurant which then Teresa joined us there, it was sooo nice. Ima go there often, cause there was a few good looking waiters there LOL im such a freak. Anyway, i didnt really feel satisfied cause i wanted dessert so kenneth said lets go this place around high street?? and so we ordered a platter(4 scoops of icecream) and honey toast thing with ice cream it was soooo goooooooooooood. Kenneth, Kelvin and Charles were like going crazy with taking photos LOL and me, Aimee and Teresa was taking photos too and then after long laughs and desserts, Teresa took me home. :) (PHOTOS SOON, LOL as you guys know, my iphone is gone so i have to wait for others to upload the photos t_t I MISS MY PHONE i have to wait 2 months. fml.)

WHAT A LONG RELAXING BEAUTIFUL DAY in a rainy retarded gloomy day.
Im gonna start studying next week for exams need to get atleast ATLEAST a merit endorsement sigh... excellence endorsement is like impossible cause ive been mucking around the whole year -.- im legit study guys. AFTER EXAMS I HAVE A WEEK TO PLAY(cause my mom postponed my ticket to 4th December) SO WHOEVER WANTS TO HANG, LEGGO G.

im not gonna say goodluck cause theres no luck in exams, im gonna say: I HOPE YOU GUYS WALK OUT WITH WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE PUT IN FOR YOUR EXAMS. GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND STUDYYYYYYYYYYYY remember NCEA lvl 1,2,3 is only once in your life but hanging out, getting drunk and blahblah can be 100000 times in your life. Dont YOLO your life for one party.
JOKES. ITS YOUR LIFE DO WHAT YOU WANT, HAHAHAHHAHA. BYE :DDDDD

Honey toast thing from iStorm!

Holidays.

The first week of my holidays has been rather interesting. The first few days were fucked but it got better after on like the last 2 days. The first day pissed me off so bad honestly I thought to myself 'wow first day of holidays and the start to October wtf.' it was so Tiring and things just didn't go well, I mean hey, it's the holidays your suppose to have fun? Maybe YOU don't think that ways but it's my life? I make plans for myself that I think is suitable for me. Lol. But at least somethings lightened those days up eg food. And maybe talking to funny friends hahaha. And yea I admit I'm a hypocrite, I started playing LoL, for those unknown its league of legends. Mainly because I have nothing to do and it's actually quite fun , I think I know why people play it so much. But hey I don't see the reason talking about it day to night. Yes it's fun but you don't need to talk about it like there's no tomorrow. Anyway.. Oh and the last 2 days were my highlights of the week because on Saturday I went shopping with my mommy hehe bought some new clothes and went nightmarket with my bubba and Richard, THE CHURROS WAS SO GOOD. And then went to pool cause a fag told me to but made me wait TWENTY MINUTES, and I never wait for people. How nice am I. Then on Sunday i went town to watch loopers it's good movie, and ate food.. LOL. Anyway yea those were pretty much what meant 'holiday' to me. Here's some photos hehe.

me eating pad thai ~

with retard 

on sunday ready to go out!

this week.

oh my well this week has been rather interesting. Its like up and down like hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, i had 2 detentions and a few rages from teachers and but this girl made my day just by zipping up my bag when i dont even know her hehe! Such a nice girl :) anyway i am currently facing alot of stress and am very tired from all the gay shit internals :( i have like 4 internals in ONE week. ... im like not kidding im really stressed and i feel like breaking out :( but i have few txt buddies to keep me smiling and distress hehehe. BUT HONESTLY I HATE SCHOOL. maybe its just the subjects i chose was not necessarily what i wanted, it was just for the sake of family. Well guess what. im not listening to you next year im taking what i want and im gonna live a happy life and a life where you only do stuff to fulfill your needs without being happy.

The second thing i want to say is, i have sorted out with a person in my life. yes well done judy. i know. Im pretty sure you all know who it is. its bluntly obvious lol. Yes i have talked shit about her, but i tell her so its not plain backstabbing i guess? well if it is, shes the only i backstabb anyway. but i hope this time wont fail again like last 3 times. When you backstab someone, you obviously have your reasons that scared you or whatsoever, so might as well just tell them like i did.

Third thing, have you ever felt that when you like or lets say 'just simply interested' in someone you feel like your not good enough, like you will find tremendous amounts of reason to think that your not good enough, eg. too ugly, too fat. so you would be like sigh it wont happen so just dont even think about it.

Fourth thing, Yes guys im not pretty or whatever like any other people out there AT THE MOMENT. You do realize im only 15 and i really cant be bothered caring about my looks, probably only when its something big like a party or something. Other than that i will not put in any efforts in my looks because if someone is attracted to you, they would be even if you look like shit, and when you do put in effort they would not regret their choice. I will probably start trying next year ok? when im 16 which is reaching the teenage stage. And dont think that ill be like meh fuck it cbf, because next year is more serious.

Fifth thing. Relationships, who doesnt want one? You walk around school and every corner I SWEAR is a couple making out or whatever. Honestly i want one too but i know im not even trying so im not complaining.

Okay until then. BYE!

Merhehehehe.

Well it was my friends birthday today. JOHN DENG. Knew him for like 2(?) years now, he's a dick. JK he's a good friend and his girlfriend, ermagersh. No comment she's so... Funny:) anyway today i went to kenneths house at like 12 to 'make' cake but i just ended up playing games on his xbox. I OWNED THEM(kelvin,aimee and kenneth) IN HALO AND IT WAS MY FIRST TIME PLAYING! And then charles and sunny came. THEN we started making the cake it was chocolate cake mmmmmmm. Then john and all the other people came and we went to Kareoke and then pool but it was like full so we just went back to Kenneth house. Some people left so it was just me sunny Charles Kenneth and kelvin. And we talked about our 'turn on and offs about opposite gender' hehehehe MERH.I love those talks :p (might write a lists of my turn ons and offs :p) and i want to learn guitar.. (I LOVE GUYS PLAYING THE GUITAR AND SINGING its so attractive :p LOL random.)
Here are some photos of today first!

hehehe all good friends.

unhappy things :(

I've done heaps of stuff I regret.. I always wish time can go back and if I didn't do that, everything would probably be different.. But Its not possible so i try again but because of that mistake you have moved on and now I was in the position you were.. I did kind of fell for it in the start but I just didn't show it cause I was scared that you were just playing around like everyone does now. But after I saw you get with that person like in a click, yea I did get jealous I actually did that's why I went all pms and stopped talking, but at the same time I don't really regret because then it just simply shows what others say what you are, a player? Really? You might look like one but you can't judge a book by its cover so I didn't believe. Anyway fuck it. I was trying but I know I fucked it up so I'll just dig a hole.

ERMAHGERSH.everything and everyones so gay. just EVERYONE :(

omg fuck you FUCK YOU!!! your so gay and weird and idk.
i wish i had no emotions so i cant feel anything. ==

lolwhat the fuck? honestly what the fuck. wtf. just shut the fuck up. Your such a two face honestly wtfuck. omfg. your so fucked up.

:( I had blood testing today :( cause of my gay health... Urgh I regret I didn't eat properly for the past years.. Sighh

injection 17/09 :(

i probs swear will heaps in here............ sorry :(

Sigh.

Have you ever had the feeling where you know you can't turn to anyone cause you know everyone is busy with there own life.. It's true that you cant rely on everyone when you need help with stuff sometimes you just need to deal it by yourself?? But what if it gets so hard that you just want a major break out ... No one to turn to.. Even your mom isn't there .. It really feels like crap aye... You feel like your eyes is swelling and it's like a bucket of water pouring down your face.
Dunno what to do.. Feel so lost.. It Feels like everything you've done or chose is wrong?? 

I really dunno what to do satisfy you honestly I'm trying my best to ignore you saying Shit to me and my mom, when your the one that's suppose to help and comfort me. "your mom is just so nice"- she says.  did you just know that? Are you serious? I dont know whether your saying it with sarcasm but If you know that why you still doing this to me? What more do you want.? Don't be such a greedy human, not everything can go your way did you know that? 

There's this person that gives me what I want and does everything for me the best she can even though I'm a bitch to her, even though I hardly see her in a week because of you. She still tries to call me and talk to me but everytime I'm such a bitch and tell her to stop being so annoying and calling me at random times because really Im not the type to show my feelings to you I'm sorry.. I don't know what to say that's why I always say okokok bye. I'm really sorry. I dont know what to do, I use to curse you but now I know without you I'll probs be lost in the world like a eyeless fly. I want to say thank you but I can't I don't know how to? Im just not the type to.. It's your birthday soon what do I do?...

To be or not to be, it is a question. -Shakespeare

COMPARISON

HMMMM well i wanted to do this like from year 7 to NOW thing. Anyway LOL theres more photos on my facebook hehehehe :p 

ME in year 7 the first one on the bottom row LOLOL 2008

YEAR 8 the 3rd one on the bottom row 2009

me on the left when i was year 9 in july 23!! 2010

me in year 10 in like april 27 2011!! on the left

me THIS YEAR in like march 31 2012!!! 

me NOWWWW in august 22 2012!!

bored..

i just want express somewhere what i do when im bored ha..

well i like to draw so heres some pictures :p

this from fruits basket anime!

my favorite one hehe, took me 1 hour

ignore the white lines!
(i fucked this up lol! )

Nick Vujicic.

What is life like to you? what do you want in your life? what is there for you to fulfill before you leave the world? what if you were to die tomorrow? what is it that you will regret for not doing or you have done?

Everyone has their problems, whether its relationships, family, eating disorder, health issues etc. What if you were to live a life with no arms and no legs? would you still complain for what you have? why is it so fun for people to stand people down and laugh at it? Why cant people have their own hobbies or anything they like?
Why is it, that what people love, you have to take it away from them? Dont we all know that everyone is created differently? Why do you have to force them to become one of you in order to make yourself feel better? Why does it make you happy? Why is it so funny to laugh at people or tease at people? What do you get of it? Why is it so important between the races of where people come from?

Let me share a verse- "For those who shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and will not be answered." -Proverbs 21:13

I just want to share this clip by Nick Vujicic one of the most greatest among all. God closed one window for him but opened another. God will always leave an window for you, no one is perfect therefore you shall not have the reason to discriminate other people. One compliment or one encouragement, just one..., you can save someones life. You dont know how important your words are to other peoples, you dont know what its like to be humiliated at because your flaws may not be seen by others. You never know that maybe the one comment you make will cause a loss in life.

I don't care whether you're fat, short, anorexic, tall or whatever. I don't care. I love you for who you are. -Nick Vujicic.

'For who you are' means yourself. Not what others want you to become but the person you were originally suppose to be.

1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIuz6fUtfRE - Inspirational talking
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyC5JaFJ-EI - Talking about God
3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCeIKgdKrGc - Hillsong - Here I am to Worship

"For I know what I have planned for you.' says the Lord. 'I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope." -Jeremiah 29:11

I hope for a heart full of loving and forgiving. Amen.

Wtf?

I havent been blogging for quite a while maybe cause I don't have time cause of so many internals and exams. I'm gonna start from rants, ive been trying my best to hold it in but "even nice people have their limits" a photo I found on tumblr and it is true.
1.Rant- the more you push someone to do something the more they won't. That applies to me if you keep telling me that I have no hope just cause I don't study then I will in fact show you I have no hope and if I fail life I'll thank you's for never trying to encourage to study but instead everyday discriminating me and stepping me down thinking that will make me feel shame and I will start studying. You know what? I already told you it doesn't fucking work on me and don't think that oh if you study hard as you will get a good job. If your study is good but your fucking cocky as fuck then even the boss will kick you the fuck out. Your not the smartest there's people way smarter but less cocky and are humble and doesn't look down on people, just wait till that one day you might lose everything the fuck you have.
2.Rant- okay. You tell me to study I do. I said I'm going to the library your the one that don't believe me. You laugh at me and think I'm bullshitting. You say that you can't believe me cause why? Why don't you believe me? You kept telling me to study now I am but you don't fucking believe me then what the mother of FCK do you want me to fucking do? I study you don't believe me I don't you stand me down. Bro? I have feelings just because I never have emotions and always smile doesn't mean that I actually don't feel any pain that like a knife cutting you slowly. Please just give me a break and let me do what I want when I'm ready. Your not me, you don't know what I know nor what I think nor, what I have organized for myself. I insanely please you to stop giving me shit when your the people that are suppose to help and comfort me instead of me trying to find comfort and courage from my school teachers or friends.

Leaving 'Lunch'

i woke up at 9 today cause its chelseas leaving lunch and we decided to bus to town at like 1030, SO i prepared myself and all that just in time BUT one of my friend just finished showere like 10 minutes before the bus arrives so instead of busing to town, i had to wait at botany for them 2-_-. ANYWAY after we got to town we went to this restaurant called EIGHT in this 5 star hotel it was SO good but i expected better for $50 meh. After eating there for like 2 hours all 3 of us were so freken full which then we walked around city for like 4 hours, we did some shopping l0l.. we didnt even eat dinner. so i only had one huge meal today but it was alright .........


then we went to Krave fellowship but they changed the name to Connect..... mmm,, anyway it was fun we played a game called articulate(i think o.o) it was like charade but you can talk, MY GROUP WON MWAHAHA. and then we talked about things we value in our lives and our morals etc. very interesting ;D i pretty like this fellowship, HAHA.. 

me and chelsea

All the food i ate. plus 3scoops of icecream
FATASS,

Ranting bout the same shit.

It's always the same situation, why is it always the people that are abit overweight always get mocked at and laughed at and they turn into an subject for people to talk about as something funny.
I'm fucking sorry that I'm fat and not skinny like all the other people. Did I ask for to be created so fat? No.
What fun do you get out of it? Yea sure YOU think it's funny but have you thought of other peoples feelings?
"well I'm not fat ahahahha" you should be happy and gratefull that your blessed, becareful one day that blessing gets taken away from you. Then it will be your turn to cry and moan. Don't always wait till the last minute to realize what you fucking have.
Why do people change the way they look? Its because of the people that always mock them and in order to stop them from mocking them they change the way they look, either by surgery for small eyes or not eat and fuck up their body system just to impress others and stop people from calling them fat.
When I go on a diet people say I'm only 15 I don't need to go on a diet and that I'll lose protein and I'll be unhealthy and unable to grow. When I start eating they start saying and mocking that omg your so fat. What the fuck do you want me to do? I'll just go die. yea?
Ungrateful people.
I WILL BE SKINNY. just not now.

Lately

Sigh its been a long time since i updated. Ive been going through the phase of antisocialness
hmmmm well ive been sick for the whole week and i stayed home the whole week :D anyway i want to update my blog so i asked for ideas


THOUGHTS.

hmmm i think that our generation is going too quick.. like we do things or think about things that are like waaaaay too ahead of us. like working or social or watever idk. were going to work for our whole adult life and it will eventually become a drudgery for us, why do people want to work so young?? i only want to for fun HAHA nah. but im not allowed so GUTS. anyway. and um i try to control myself and tell myself that im only 15 and i still have plenty of time to play but its so hard.. WHY is it so HARD to control. i think its cause of the people around me l0l. i chopped my hair cause i wanted to stop caring about my looks cause its too hard to impress people now. im looking forward to uni so  bad, cause idk.. i meet more and new people i guess? hmmm argh SO mixed thoughts.. i think i think too much too. im such a loner now, no one believes me but i actually am. i stay home every weekend not like last year and 2010 anymore lol. i remember i used to go out like every weekend till like midnight and think i was cool as, but now when i think back its like so stupid and the generations are getting worst(?) and worse(?) in my opinion. they are getting more rude and annoying and bitchy and slutty  and i hate it when people younger than me look freaking10 years older than me. sometimes i still miss the parties and the fun... im so lonely :( and i want to be friends with certain peoples but i just CANT cause i try to but when im with them and they do that thing i just lose it i really really want to argh asdkfj;lkjgds.

HATES.

i dont hate anyone now since i have been so anti social lol. but um i think people starting to hate me so sad so sad. i seriously dont hate anyone if i rage about someone i only think their annoying i DONT HATE ==

TO DO's

i need to save up money to buy stuff, im going to go shopping in the holidays and i really want a pair of darn vans and raybans!. so sad going shopping by myself sigh.. and i need to loose f!#$ing weight like no shit oml--

i wish i had a friend whose like similar to me not looks but like personality or watever and i could like talk to them and like just go out for a cup of coffee and chill.. and i can trust them and but i cant seem to find one-- thats just in my imagination. sadlife. thats why im looking forward to uni cause maybe that friend will come :D

ahha... i have no idea what ive been saying but if you know me, my thoughts change like 24/7 im only typing what i think at this specific moment cause im so friggen bored. l0l

Hotpot woop!

Yesterday my friend hosted a steam boat dinner at his house followed by a mocha cheesecake for dessert! It was the highlight of my term 2 since I've been so legit antisocial. We ate for like an hour then cause one of a friend had to go church so we paused eating and played group games! It was so hilarious and we just all had a FUUNN as time, we played the watermelon game, no teeth game(can't show your teeth at all), silent game(can't speak one word), Chinese whispers with like 5 different languages LOL (English, Cantonese, Korean, Thai and Vietnamese) and then we played mafia and I was the first one to be out cause everyone voted me as the murderer-_- I was like totally lost and in denial hahahahhaha!!! it was soooooo fun then my friend came back from church and we carried on eating and talking and like asking the most retarded and stupid questions bahahahaha "would you rather be a table or an lamp" LOL ikr WTF. I asked that LOLOL. Anyway then some people left and only like 6 of us talked about first impressions and stuff till like 3am. Yes 3am and I called and begged and bribed my brother to open the door for me when I get home and he was like "fuck off" SADLIFE. But yeah when I got home I stayed outside my house for like 5minutes, spam texting my brother to open the fucking door-_- yea I have such a nice brother aye gois. Anyway it was a great day! It was reaaaaally fun:D

hmm..

Well the other day i went out for lunch with a few friends and it was quite fun, we had nandos then some desserts, while having desserts we were chatting about stuff; funny stuff and throughout we were talking about girls and one of my friends said about me 'ill choose a more decent looking one hahahaaha' and it was really hmm ouch.. but i know they were joking and stuff but then that kinda cut me deep and its stuck inside me like that sentence just pops up now and then and really it is just.. ouch :/ but i know he wasnt serious, and he is a good friend but it made me feel even more insecure now i feel like giving up on so much stuff now thats why i sit alone at school during breaks and i've turned into such an anti-social person.
Its because im giving up on society im getting tired and its just so depressing, people just are never satisfied with peoples effort. Im more likely to be known as a person thats so open and you can joke about my appearance, my weight etc.. but really as i grow older i start to realize its not a so-called joke anymore it acutally hurts but you still have to laugh it off so people wont think "omg your such a sensitive person. wtf. you cant even take a joke" lol joke?
I think people need to start understanding the true meaning of a 'joke' and where the line hits and i know im ugly im fat. but really, its starting to hurt when people say;  oh why dont you ask judy to go with you or etc, and people just laugh and say LOL JUDY?! NOWAY and then hahahahah im joking!!! but if you joke like that, then its really what you think but to not make tension you say 'im joking'. Aye?
Im getting older and im starting to become more feminine each year, i want to be treated as a 'girl', just a TAD BIT. But is it too late for people to understand now? When i say that it doesnt mean you cant joke and stuff but its just; Hey im a girl too.. yea? :/
Everyone has been through the phase of life where they're all tomboy and shit,.
And im sure everyone has their side where they look the best but its just not the appropriate occasion to show it yet..

I really loved a friends blogtitle and that is(changed it abit);
"Let me be lovely,.. Just for once :')"

FEAST!

OUR FEAST!

Well on friday me and my good mate had a feast at my house. We went grocery shopping after school and brought toppings for our pizza and some dips for wedges ;D, then we gapped it to my house cause we were scared that it will start raining LOL. We chucked ham, pineapple, HEAPS of tomato paste and cheese and olives on our pizza, and then we baked some garlic bread and wedges! We couldnt wait for the finished products OMG. I kept telling danielle to check the pizza but she was busy on FACEBOOK -_- but allgoods as long as our pizza came out SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOD, while eating we were watching the notebook. It was suppose to be a really sad movie but cause we were eating and enjoying our food we didnt cry till the end HAHA. After that movie we watched SHES THE MAN my favourite movie its probably one of the movies ill never get sick off, (i remember watching it like few years ago with my sisters ahhhhh ;D). Anyway! The food and movies were so freaking good, such a good way to end a miserable week :')

IT WAS SO INDESCRIBABLY GOOD.

Friend?

This year i seem to have been matured more than last year (not being vain HAHA) but i realized so much things thats happening around me. I start to not complain as much and to just forgive and forget(ISH) and move on, cause if you stay at the same place you wont make any progress!

I have talked out with 2 people that i wasn't all-good with and it feels much better even though one of them say 'we just wont be like before anymore' but i hope i can still work on that! but at least now i dont need to walk past that person as if you dont know them. Also thanks to this one special friend who always talks me back to make me think about what im doing :)
It is better to have one more friend than one more enemy,
I guess thats added to my list of values now!

But, theres this certain person that im still currently not talking to and i feel quite sad because they called and told me to stay out of their life when i didnt do anything.. which actually makes me feel so 'wtf', i saw her walking towards me today at school and i suddenly had this urge to say hi cause i usually do when i see them, but i couldnt today i just looked away and they did too. I guess this is the end cause their boyfriend seems to not want me to talk to her at all so im not going to at all even though i really want to.. we've been through quite alot, we got closer after a big fight at the end of year 8, and she knows alot about me and my personailty.. :'(

Anyway, the reason why i dont want to talk to people first is because i dont like it when people think that 'oh, you'll talk to me first anyway. So i wont give a shit about you.' and not appreciate the fact that i actually decided to.

I dont know what kind of friend i am to people now; a slavery friend, a friend who will always listen to your commands because im scared to lose you, a friend that you take for graunteed, a friend that provides food and money, a friend that whenever you call i'll try all my best to be there (but you dont) or actually a 'friend' ? Hmmm.

what a day!

YOO =]

Today was my first day back at school and it was alright, despise the fact that i kept falling asleep in class D: My geo teacher got abit angry! He was like "Judy i know you had a hard time last night, but can you Please tell me if you understand what im saying" and i just nodded and he sighed. Hahahahaha.

Then i just got home and ate ice-cream on CRUSKETS(i know, totally out of diet plan.), so i didnt have dinner then went out for grocery shopping and brought ONLY $20 worth of food that can keep me alive for 1 week+!!!!!! Im SOOOO looking forward of the days moving out and living by myself!

Anyway! I have set goals for this term!

1. LOSE WEIGHT O.M.G.
2. GO to church on sundays (even though i dont feel welcomed zzzzz)
3. STUDY hard and not think about other stuff
4. APPRECIATE and not take things for granted
5. LOVE and stop disliking people (although i only think people are annoying)
6. LOSE WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Praise the Lord!

I just felt like sharing this testimony because i got very touched and emotional after listening to it.

This came from one of my best bible teachers, she shared it with me because she believes that the hardships people go through will come to a result.

Listen to it with all your attentions please!

http://player.vimeo.com/video/32400978?autoplay=1


Enjoy guys :)

What words can do to you.

Everyone that is surrounding me are all pretty and skinny and hot young ladies and mens.

But what am i to them? someone who they can mock and not feel guilty, someone who they can ask me to do anything and i cannot reject them, someone who has no emotions but is always happy all-day, every second!

"oi pig, fat bitch, you should stop eating lol, go lose some weight!, why you so fat?, oi fattie." haha funny aye.  

when people say that, I always laugh and not say one word about it because i dont want to make such a big deal about it, and partly scared that people will think that im so small tempered that i cant even take a joke. But its not like i dont want to be seen as a girl whos treated with respect and fun to hang with at the first sight but i cant. why? because people that knows me just calls me all those names in front of people i just met which makes them think they can call me that too because i wont feel sad/angry at all! I mean people who i have known for 1-3 years+ i dont mind them calling me that. But recently i have meet some new kids in botany college, i have only known them for 1,2 weeks and they start calling me "oi fattie, you should stop eating hahahaha" when i havent ate one single thing besides gum for the whole day then they say they're joking, hahaha very funny joke? I have only known you for 1-2 weeks and only talked to you ONCE.

I have been called fat from young and it never stopped, until now it still goes on. Even though some people say im NOT fat but do i believe you? Of course not. Since i was BORN i was called fat from my family memebers. Im already fulfilled with the knowledge that 'I AM fat.' and not matter how much i try to change i am STILL FAT. 

It really do hurts when you have no one to talk to, no one to share all your talks to not even one single one of my family memebers, but to keep it all inside. Because there is no one to trust now, they say they will be there when you need me but are they? No. They are not. And i never expected them to be anyway so might as well be alone.

But! Im a multi-feeling person, i get sad then happy next minute. i just wanted to express these feelings somewhere that i kept for 3years!

That day..

-Fat
-unwanted
-Fat
-FAT
-single eyelids -->small eyes


Everyone has insecurities.


My insecurities comes from all the comments from everyone surrounding me, it may not seem harmful or anything on the outside, but all the words are growing rapidly and stuck in my head.


There was once when; I went to the beach and didn't bring spare clothes cause i didn't expect myself to get wet, but nice enough one of my friends girlfriend lend me their shorts, straight away i felt unsecured and scared. why? because i know i wont fit into them but i still gave it a try and it made me look funnier, because i came out of the bathrooms without them on and my friend laughed and i felt so embarrassed and thundered with lightening. I laughed with them to not make myself even more stupid. Later on i asked her what size those shorts was, she said size 0 and i was like oh. haha.. and she just smiled at me. (i know she didnt meant to offend me in any way).


I cant even explain how i felt that day. I just wish i was anorexic, i rather GAIN weight than losing weight but realistic just doesnt seem that way, so i have planned and set goals for myself in the following term to lose weight but i know i will be lazy and not wanting to get off my butt after eating dinner or watever. I wish for courage but it seems like no one will give me any so might aswell ask God for the courage!

speechles day.

Group photo!

John maintaining the fire..

LOL JOHN, and the guy that helped us

Well today we organised a meet up with John,Kenneth,Tina,Sunny and Xinna to go BBQ at Cornwall park. So me,John and Kenneth went grocery shopping in the morning then we went to pick up Sunny and arrived at Cornwall Park. Funny how none of us knows the most important thing for bbqing, which is: how to start a fire and keep it maintaining. We failed at starting a fire already, so a korean family next to us felt sorry for us and offered their BBQ spot for us! Next problem was we realized none of us had tongs and oil.. so they went to buy some while me and kenneth used skewers as chopsticks to flip the food. The chicken and mushrooms were going good until the fire started running out.. we then started throwing in newspaper and wood to keep it going again but the wood pieces were too big so John went to ask one of those big islanders for the axe HAHA, he came back looking all tough with the axe and.. he made 2 little cuts on that piece of wood which was pretty much nothing, that guy laughed and offered to help us. We then carried on with our work, 3 hours later the fire is still not working so again we asked another chinese family how do they maintain their fire. So they came over and explained to us, also offering us 8 blocks of firelighters wood, the fire didnt even maintain 30 minutes.. so the previous guy offered THEIR bbq spot for us which then we migrated to their spot. Everything was going good as, all the chicken and lamb and sausages until the fire went out AGAIN. We attempted to keep the fire going with the left over firelighters but we gave up, we even searched on the internet how to start a fire and keep it maintaining but the explanation wasnt even clear so we didnt even bother anymore. We just talked and ate the food that was cooked already.., the food was actually really good it was just the fire..haha. Pretty experimental day ..

Then me,John and kenneth went to KRAVE (a fellowship) and talked about the usual topic "why we go to church". It was rather interesting, although i have alot of opinions and thoughts about it i wont write it all because it will go on forever but really if you go to church just to meet friends or because of your parents or whatever i really think you shouldnt waste the opportunity to observe what the pastors preach about because it is really valuable, interesting and useful in our life morals and also it teaches us how to be closer with God. But at the same time dont think going to church means you will go to heaven for sure or make you a HOLY person, church is a place where it teaches you what you are expected to do as a christian and lets you understand more about the Bible and God also you can learn from other christians.

=]

Kenneths steak marinating!

This morning started by a phone call from my mom telling me to feed the fish when i was still sleeping.. i was so speechless. Seriously, theres not one day i can sleep to the fullest and not get waken up by anything. Later on Jackie got dropped off at my house  cause we thought we were going sushi train for dinner! I was looking forward to it until Kenneth told us were not going anymore cause John needs to save, so we planned to bake.. AGAIN LOL(Last time John,Kate,Kelvin,Kenneth made pizza and lava cake). So then Ben, Kenneth, John came to my house with some ingredients and we started our work. Kenneth and John were the 2 main chefs, i was the one cleaning everything after them, so my kitchen wont be a mess haha! Ben and Jackie was really quiet.. but then we had music playing so it wasn't awkward. John made baked potatoes slices with gravy dressing and made rice.. while Kenneth marinated some chicken breasts, Steak, mashed patatoes and mushrooms with a bit of Johns help. Everything turned out really good apart from John complaining about the steak not cooked properly, so he ate rice.. Then we had dessert, we made lava cake served with ice cream but it kinda failed again.. cause we baked it too long but it was still yummy!